


To the solider, to my Son

by NaturallySupernatural



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 07:19:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17658440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaturallySupernatural/pseuds/NaturallySupernatural
Summary: What if Dean had found a letter written to him from his father John explaining his reasons for his demon deal and for the decisions he had made raising the boys. This is set right after the death of John.





	To the solider, to my Son

  Dean sat in the front seat of his car and was going through the last of his father’s belongs from the hospital, Sam his younger brother was outside gathering the last of the wood for the pyre. Their father’s body laid wrapped in a sheet on the back seat of a black ‘67 Chevy Impala. At the very back of his father’s journal Dean noticed a discolored piece of paper. He opened to the page and removed the piece: unfolding it he immediately recognized his father’s hand writing.

   ---Dean Son if you are reading this/then Yellow eyes accepted my deal; the colt and my life for yours. Bet you are pissed as hell at me, but let me try to explain. When your mother died, most of me died with her. She was my whole world, without her all I could see was darkness. I tried to raise you and Sam, to do right by you, but like I failed to save your mother, I failed you as well. You’re laying in a damn hospital bed, barely hanging on, far from the home you should have had; because of me and my blind need for revenge. I put so much on your shoulders at such a young age, I had forgotten that you were a four year old boy who had lost his mother, not some solider going off to war to fight forces too dark and dangerous for anyone much less a child. I bounced you and Sam from one dirty motel room, to another, leaving you responsible for your brother for days sometimes even months all on your own Dean, and you never let me down, never complained. You always took care of Sam and of me, never asking for anything in return. You were more of a father to Sam then I was, and for that I am both proud and ashamed. Just as I think I have gotten close enough to get my revenge, something goes wrong the price becomes too much to pay. I can’t keep going Dean, I don’t have it in me anymore. So let me do this please, let me do this one thing as your father. You and Sammy will be ok, you have each other. I see the way he looks up to you as a brother, as a father, a friend, and even maybe..... and I see how you look at him, he is your sole reason for living Dean and that’s ok. You both are smart, skilled hunters remember that, so treat this like you would any other job you understand? You and Sam hunt down this yellow eyed Son of a Bitch and you get back that colt and you shoot him, don’t hesitate, you end him. You have my journal, it contains everything and everyone I know, keep it close and use it to carry on; hunting things, saving people, the family business and I’ll see you when you are done son. And now more than ever look out for yourself and for your brother, you are all each other have. ---John

    Dean wiped the tears from his eyes as he folded the letter back up and slid it into the back pocket of his blue jeans. He heard Sam approaching the car “all ready….” he says as he glances at the backseat and then looks away “Hey you ok Dean?” he asked his older brother noticing his red rimmed eyes “Yeah..of course. Lets get some rest and do this at dawn ok?” Sam shakes his head in agreement “I saw a motel less than a mile we can crash there.” Dean nods as he starts baby up and head for it. Once there the brothers proceed to get blind ass drunk and reminisce about there father and their shitty childhoods. Soon Sam was passed out face planted on one of the motel beds leaving Dean with several bottles and his most inner thoughts to keep him company. Suddenly Dean saw red and threw the bottle against the wall in rage the bottle shattering and soaking the already stained wall with its contents. Luckily the sound didn't wake Sam, he merely rolled over and murmured. Dean grabs a bottle and heads outside the air crisp and clean hitting him in the face, he approaches the Impala only to fall short as his eyes settle on the wrapped still form of his father and infamous hunter John Winchester. The rage takes over again and with an angry scream Dean punches the window sending broken glass all over the body and leaving his hand bloodied. Dean continues to beat and kick leaving a variety of dents and dings on the body of the impala. The rage subsides and Dean is left weary and bloody yet a sense of calmness washes over him. He surveyed the damage and carefully climbed into the back seat brushing glass off his father with great care. Dean didn't realize his tears until they fell soaking the white sheet. He continued to sit with his father long after he had cleared all the glass, just sitting and staring he pulled the letter out from his back pocket and read the words again. After the third time through and with a heavy sigh Dean got out and locked the car before heading back inside the dingy motel room. He noticed a pad of paper, and an ink pen on the table among the half drank bottles. He grabbed both and sat down on the other bed and started writing.

  ----Dad, You're right I am pissed as hell right now, at you at myself, at the whole god damn thing. You're right you did fail us, you did push all of your short comings and bull shit on to me and Sammy and I hate you for it. You should have trusted me….trusted that I would have made it back. You should have let me go not made some stupid deal with a damn demon!! You shouldn't have given up on me….given me more time. Now I'm left here knowing that I should be dead not you…..it was my time not yours and like my childhood you stole my death from me too. Now I'm left with this huge hole inside that I cant fill. I'm not ready for this….to be here all alone...I’m not the strong solider you think I am dad. I can’t do this without you, but ill try…. Ill keep hunting and I will find and kill that yellow eyed son of a bitch dad. And of course ill look after Sammy you're right he is my sole reason…. I love you dad and I hope I make you proud say hi to mom for me in heaven. ----Dean

   Dean folded the paper and placed it inside the letter his father had written and put it back into his back pocket and tried to get some rest. He woke to the feel of Sam shaking him “hey come on its time” Dean got silently up and packed the car, she looked worse in the daylight he made a mental note to fix her up the next time they are at Bobby’s. Sam looks at the car and then at his bother but says nothing and climbs in. Dean drives them to a clearing and helps Sam setup the pyre. Dean returns to the car and carefully carried their fathers body and placing him and the letters on top of the wood. He then goes and stands next to his brother who douses it all with gasoline, Dean pulls out a lighter and using the leg of his jeans to light it and throws it onto the wood watching as everything burns the wood, the letters, the tears, the rage….their father. The brothers stood in silence until all was ash and then they both turned around in unison saying nothing and got back in the Impala; Dean pulled back on to the open road and drove into the daylight not once looking behind them.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: Feel free to leave feedback. I want to give a huge shout out of thanks and appreciation to SPNWinchester1982 for helping me get the ending just right.


End file.
